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I don't know.
It starts in the morning,
that feeling of loathing everything,
It feels like all is going south
with a quicksilver fury.
It happens when is least expected
and is never pretty.
The amount of times that this hits
it can't be stopped
it can't be reasoned with
it can't be comprehended.
All you can do is ride with wave
get back up and keep going
this is the afternoon now
the feelings are getting worse
getting harder to deal with
but you keep getting back up and fighting
the reasons why you don't know
you just do.
it's evening now
you take another drink of whiskey
just like last night
it's the only thing that has helped
you ride the wave of emotions
you want it to just end
you don't know what to do now
you have talked to everyone you trust about it
but nothing seems to help
night finally rolls around
but the gun under your bed still look more and more enticing
the welcoming feeling
you get with pulling back the hammer
it's soothing
but you know you shouldn't pull the trigger
you don't know why
it seems like such a good idea
so why is it so hard?
is it the whiskey?
is it the shitty ass job?
is it your dog? your cat?
your bestfriend?
maybe your parents?
why, when it seems like it's such an easy task?
you can't do it because something is keeping you in this hell
but what?
it drives you mad
trying to figure out why
you try once more and there's just a click
you're still alive
your still breathing, pulsating...surviving.
you finally realize
it's midnight now and you wake
wake from the nightmares that torment you endlessly
you wake in the pools of sweat
you fight the urges to reach for the gun
you fight the urges of alcohol
you fight the urges of the rope
you fight.
you realize it's because someone loves you
you fight because there is always someone wanting you around
though it feels like you are nothing more than a burden.
I know your pains my friend
I have been there for what feels like forever.
I want you around.
please don't leave me.
I don't want to loose anymore.
This world scares me.
does it scare you the same way?

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I know these feelings all too well

Don't either of you fucking DARE!

Edited at 2015-02-10 08:59 pm (UTC)

I've already been told i'm not allowed to owo

I'm very glad to hear that.

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