Michigan- it's cold.
operation
tobillama
Oh Holy Fuck I'd michigan cold!
Just a couple weeks ago it was 0°F
Nope. I need to nope the fuck right out.because this is too cold for my ass.

Pure curiosity
operation
tobillama
So I'm doing a little 'social expirement' for lack of better term, to see which people would think is more honorable. A human, or a wolf and why? If you want to put your two cents in feel free if not, that's cool too. Like I said, it's just pure curiosity.

Confused
operation
tobillama
For the last week my left shoulder has been popping nearly everytime i move it. I am Starting to get worried about this.
It doesn't hurt but doesn't exactly feel good either. I can't see why it'd do this but weirder things have happened in this world.

It's starting again.
operation
tobillama
Writing again. But it seems darker than last time. owo

Well to elaborate a little, I was trying to write a song/poem/thing and as I ran it by a couple people I got told that this one was a lot darker and slightly off subject of what I was going for.

Eh, I'm still getting good remarks for what I have been writing and I'm still having fun with it when I do. I just wish it'd stop sounding so Gods damned depressing. But apparently it's what I'm good at writing.

I don't know.
operation
tobillama
It starts in the morning,
that feeling of loathing everything,
It feels like all is going south
with a quicksilver fury.
It happens when is least expected
and is never pretty.
The amount of times that this hits
it can't be stopped
it can't be reasoned with
it can't be comprehended.
All you can do is ride with wave
get back up and keep going
this is the afternoon now
the feelings are getting worse
getting harder to deal with
but you keep getting back up and fighting
the reasons why you don't know
you just do.
it's evening now
you take another drink of whiskey
just like last night
it's the only thing that has helped
you ride the wave of emotions
you want it to just end
you don't know what to do now
you have talked to everyone you trust about it
but nothing seems to help
night finally rolls around
but the gun under your bed still look more and more enticing
the welcoming feeling
you get with pulling back the hammer
it's soothing
but you know you shouldn't pull the trigger
you don't know why
it seems like such a good idea
so why is it so hard?
is it the whiskey?
is it the shitty ass job?
is it your dog? your cat?
your bestfriend?
maybe your parents?
why?
why, when it seems like it's such an easy task?
you can't do it because something is keeping you in this hell
but what?
it drives you mad
trying to figure out why
you try once more and there's just a click
you're still alive
your still breathing, pulsating...surviving.
you finally realize
it's midnight now and you wake
wake from the nightmares that torment you endlessly
you wake in the pools of sweat
you fight the urges to reach for the gun
you fight the urges of alcohol
you fight the urges of the rope
you fight.
you realize it's because someone loves you
you fight because there is always someone wanting you around
though it feels like you are nothing more than a burden.
I know your pains my friend
I have been there for what feels like forever.
I want you around.
please don't leave me.
I don't want to loose anymore.
This world scares me.
does it scare you the same way?

Life to this moment.
operation
tobillama
Blah, blah, blahity blah.
I'm single now due to some...well a lot of things.
I had to bury my cat this past week.
Trying to not just say fuck and walk away.
My mental state is coming back. I'm starting to finally feel normalish since the split.
I moved in with some friends. Since being out here I don't feel so angry about just stupid crap.

o.o
operation
tobillama
Today's checklist.
Annoy someone [x]
Cause chaos (virtually or otherwise) [x]
Star wars marathon [x]
relax more to mephiskapheles [in progress]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To do list tomorrow.
take Corina to school
Start to learn sign again.
meditation
clean tools
organize toolbox
clean room (again (damn cats/dogs causing trouble again))
go through clothes see what can be gotten rid of.
clean out my drawers in dresser
start work on writing again. might help clear my head.
Sleep.
I think that covers everything...

this tripped me out.
operation
tobillama
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bdw_ikz2hBY

Uhhh
operation
tobillama
It never ceases to happen. Every time Corina and I plan to go somewhere, she takes a nap beforehand even though I tell her not to and he somehow always manages to feel bad after/during it. Even if it's just five damn minutes. I tell her not to for this reason. because then we almost NEVER do what we had planned. It's getting old.

It's just another day.
killer kitten
tobillama
Got a newish job at Wal-mart a few weeks ago, had my job threatened two nights ago. Last night worked my ass off and got a compliment.
On a less mediocre side, Corina and I are going to the fair on Thorsday. A coworker of mine was suppose to join us and got told otherwise due to complications with scheduling. More alone time for her and I, which might I add is much needed. Our time together is mostly quantity not quality.
I am getting a new phone, LG Volt, in tomorrow hopefully it'll be here when I get back to the house from school, if not whatever. It'll be here eventually.
On a somewhat upside as well we got a new bed, it's more firm than I like but she can sleep better so I'll deal with it until it's broke in.
On a grander note, I got told that Corina will be getting me my concealed carry permit and agreed to let me get a firearm, as long as I keep it away from everyone else. I'm currently looking at 9mm under $500 with any luck I'll find something I know will be reliable in a pinch. Am also thinking of getting a hunting rifle for deer hunting. The thought of making deer jerky makes my mouth water. *wipes away a little drool* Not sure what size I want to get yet so sill looking. Though one firearm at a time. Though a 9mm isn't what I like to use, it'll be better in the long run to help get my wrist and forearm strength up until I can handle a .45 again.
We'll see what happens in the coming months.

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